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Posts : 166
Join date : 2015-08-11
Age : 28
Location : Wouldn'tYouLiketoKnow, HA

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PostSubject: Story Feedback   Story Feedback EmptyTue Sep 01, 2015 11:17 am

Finally reached a little over the 1k word count mark on this thing! And as usual, probably some typos since I didn't proofread:

Chapter Seven: Taxi Girls and Mob Bosses

Ash darted quickly between people, and jumped over a bench. Her legs were like springs as she easily bolted over things, or sprung off surfaces to propel herself from them and to rapidly keep moving. And all the while, she held the food safely in her clutches.

She was good at doing stuff like this. She hardly ever had an issue with traffic –whether that meant cars or even people. Buildings were never in the way.

That’s why, in no time at all, Ash had reached a certain customer’s house. When she fully expected Ghetsis to come to the door, instead she was face to face with someone she hadn’t seen in a long time –N, Ghetsis’ son and currently a student at private school (something like the United Nations International School) overseas.

Who was also a Zoroark hybrid, who used his illusions to the advantage and wore a disguise as attended school like a “normal human.”

Shrieking in delight, Ash –with the all the grace of her feline species –pounced on him, nuzzling his neck and near where normally she knew his glossy red mane would be.

“Ah, Ash! You’re here,” N smiled widely. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“Ehh, why didn’t you call and tell me you were back? How long are you back? Why are you here? Are done studying overseas? How was New York?” Ash shot question after question at him, but N took it in stride.

“I’ll be here for a long while,” N revealed. “Given how I’ve graduated and will be starting at Tokyo University after winter break.”

He smiled again at her happy squeal and yet another glomp from her.

“N! Is that the food?” They could hear Ghetsis from the living room.

The two of them traded amused looks.

“Your dad’s always a grump,” Ash told N, as they traveled through the house to where Ghetsis is waiting.

“He is,” N agreed in amusement. “But he’s always been the type to not want to show he feels. He’s awkward with his ‘feelings,’” they snickered together. “He’s awkward.”

“He’s an awkward grump.”

They burst into giggles together again, not even stopping when they reached the living room and saw Ghetsis slouching on his favorite armchair and flipping irritably through the channels of the TV.

“Food’s here, Dad,” N told him, smoothly allowing his illusion over himself to dissipate. At once, when N’s glossy red mane appeared, Ash glomped him again and happily nuzzled against its softness.

Ghetsis got up and went over, thrusting his hands out. “Food,” he insisted.

Ash handed it over and blissfully continued to rub her face against N’s soft fur. N just chuckled.

“Are you staying over for lunch, Ash?” N asked her.

She pouted as she moved away. “Nuh uh. I’ve got to go back and get to work. But first!”

She marched over to Ghetsis, who was wearing that ridiculous long coat of his and her hands lashed out to grab the folds and try to take it off.

“Ghetsis, you can’t wear this thing all the time! It’s too hot for a coat today, you big grump!”

Ghetsis tried to fend her off with one hand, as the other was preoccupied with holding the bag holding the containers of food.

“It’s not a coat! It’s a cloak! There’s a difference!”

“It’s still too hot for it!”

“I don’t care!”

N chuckled, moving over to the kitchen and getting plates and utensils for his father and himself to use, and setting them up at the table.


Giovanni was rich, and he had taste. At the moment, he couldn’t quite figure out how he was in front of this sushi place, when he was sure there must’ve been a dozen other more famous and more expensive, better sushi restaurants in that city alone. Instead, he was in front of Aizawa’s Wayside, a small, nice sushi bar that was settled into a homely area.

“I want the best sushi in Tokyo ready for when I come! Aizawa’s Wayside!”

Well, he was here…

Entering the small place, he was quick to be sat at the counter, and made his order. He might as well try it out first, see if it was any good.

By the time he received his order and tasted though, he could definitely see and understand why that cute Persian hybrid adored this place. It really was delicious, and far better than any of the other sushi places he’d been to.

Making several orders to go, he was ready to go find that café of hers, so that they could talk further about her part-time “employment” with him.

Although, by the time he reached her café, he was once again taken aback. It was small as well, but definitely modernly decorated and styled. He could tell, just from the outside of it. The name “ExoCos Café” was emblazoned on the sign that was built onto the building, using elegantly curled letters and colored a scarlet red that he approved of.

It was the inside that really caught him off guard and made him hesitate, nearly gaping outwardly –a reaction he didn’t permit himself most times.

All of the employees were hybrids, a surprising thing considering their rarity and the prejudices against him. But he wasn’t unused to them or hybrids being employed, given his own company actively employed them as well.

It was what they were wearing and the way the restaurant was played out.

He’d suddenly realized, in a dazed manner, that he’d entered one of those cosplay restaurant he had only heard about in through stories and word of mouth.
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PostSubject: Re: Story Feedback   Story Feedback EmptyWed Sep 02, 2015 10:11 am

Not proofread ;p But here's part 2 and the rest of the chapter:

And realizing that, he was more than surprised to understand that this was Ash’s place of work. That she actually worked at one of these places. It was a bizarre thought, but at the same time he could actually see the place didn’t seem too bad. The hybrids seemed content and even happy, and the customers well-behaved. The place wasn’t overly done on the inside, and seemed well put together and tasteful.

The French Maid outfits were…something though.

Although the thought of Ash in one of those made him twitch and quickly divert his thoughts to something else quickly, and thankfully a blond male (a human this time) came over to him with a pleasant smile.

“Hello, I’m Colress, owner of this restaurant. Would you like a seat?” the blond surprised him by saying.

“Is Ash here?” he immediately asked. And just to be safe, “She’s a Persian hybrid?”

Suddenly, Colress blinked and looked at him owlishly. “Ehh? How do you know Ash-kitty?”


“I met her on the train,” Giovanni hesitantly answered. “We became acquainted during the rush hour.”

Colress nodded slowly. “Well…she should be back around now, from her take-out run. I’m sure she’s –”

The doors of the restaurant were flung open, and Ash happily sprung into the building.

“I’m back!”

Giovanni was taken aback by her entrance, but once he'd registered that she actually was in one of those French Maid uniforms, his mind shut down momentarily. Ash caught sight of him in the meanwhile.

“Oh! Giovanni! You’re here,” she said in surprise. Then she blushed and looked at him shyly, her whiskers twitching a bit. “W-Welcome home, Master.”

His eyes widened at the address and he looked back between Colress, taking a guess (after a moment of further shock) that it was a custom greeting for a customer. Ash bowed politely and gestured for him to follow her, and he was led to the table in what was apparently her section of the room. She handed him a menu anxiously and he looked through it, still having not said anything to her yet. He didn’t mean to keep silent, but he was still processing everything and getting used to it.

But then he read the menu and which made him actually gape this time.

What was this about ear cleaning and being slapped? Where there actually people who came in and ordered those services? What weirdoes would that do that?

“Are you hungry or thirsty at least? We could at least start off with that,” she offered, shifting nervously and giving him a small smile.

Then he remembered his gift, and handed it to her. “Sushi, as she requested.”

Her beaming face made him relax, and she eagerly took out the sushi. Retrieving plates, she separated the sushi evenly between the two plates and then gave one to him and sat across from him with her own. She happily dug in, moaning appreciation.

“Glad you’re enjoying it,” his lips twitched upward, sincerely glad (though he could have done without listening to her moan; it made him feel odd).


“Let’s just enjoy these first, and then we’ll talk,” he offered, and she agreed with that easily.


“Psst!” Archie continued to lean out and peer around the door.

“Get back in here, you!” Cilan said in exasperation.

“Hey, hey. How the heck does Ash know Giovanni Rocketto?” Archie ignored him, still watching with wide eyes.

At that, both Cilan and Maxie zoomed over to join him, curiously wanting to know what he was talking about. Instead, they were treated to watching Ash and the infamous business tycoon eating sushi at Ash’s table, and getting questions themselves as to how Ash knew the CEO.

“I heard he was a dangerous man,” Archie whispered, still going on. “In fact, I heard he was in the mob. He’s in the mafia, guys!”

Cilan twitched, while Maxie looked at him in horror.

“You think Ash owes him or something?” Archie continued. “Maybe he’s here to threaten her family and friends, and to break her thumbs –”

Cilan had enough, and grabbed the idiotic human’s collar and yanked him back into the kitchen. Maxie took one last worried look at Ash, before reluctantly following after, hoping Archie was just exaggerating and had an overactive imagination.



Ash and Giovanni finished their food rather quickly. It was then that Giovanni got serious and sat up straight in his chair, still trying to ignore how Ash was wearing that frilly, tight uniform, and watching him eagerly.

“So I was hoping that we could talk about our arrangement some more? And hopefully figure out something already,” Giovanni told her. When she nodded an okay, he continued. “How about, since you work her until 7, I come around a little before then? I don’t mind setting up a time as a customer here, and when you’re done, I could take you with me back to the workplace. I work late most days, so it would be appreciated.”

Ash thought about it. “Yeah, I guess I can stick around for a few hours.”

“And afterwards, I or someone I assign to you, can drive you home,” Giovanni concluded. “Weekends still okay?”

“Still fine,” she nodded cheerily.

Colress suddenly appeared and stuck his head between them, startling them. “What’s this? What’s going on?”

Giovanni could feel himself sweatdrop as Ash exasperatedly told the blond about the offer, and he could guess the other (aside from being her employer) must’ve been a close friend.

Colress started nodding, and Giovanni wondered if this was the time where the other would now demand more money from him in order to take her (knowing who Giovanni was and all), but all he did was shove a pen and a pad of paper towards Giovanni.

“What’s this?” Giovanni reluctantly grabbed them.

“Start writing~!” Colress smiled widely. “Ash-kitty likes sweet things, and soft things, and oh, she’s like nice hair –”

Giovanni’s eyes widened and he started to hurriedly scribble. “Wait, wait! Hold on!”

And then Colress shoved a bell at him. “Also, it’s best to tie this on her, ‘cause she’s very quiet and fast, and you never know what hit you until she got you!”


Ash had enough and jumped from her chair, storming over to Colress and grabbing the man by the ear with her claws. She started pulling on it, dragging him away like that.

“Ow, ow!” Colress cried. “Ash-kitty, I’m sorry!”

But she ignored him, and Giovanni just watched with raised eyebrows and a bit of shock.

“And watch out for her tail!” Colress yelled at Giovanni. “If it’s up, she’s gonna pounce!”

And then the two of them disappeared behind the back doors, shutting closed loudly behind them.


Cilan was having a well-deserved break from the kitchens. How couldn’t it be well-deserved, after dealing with those two morons all day? In any case, he was just glad to be away from Archie and Maxie and semi-relax, even if he was still manning the counter and register.

The entrance door opened and Cilan turned to greet the newcomer, only to have his words die in his throat. The hulking figure that entered towered over Cilan, with gleaming red eyes against the gray skin of this hybrid (what species was he? None that Cilan had ever heard of!). A gold crown-like shape encircled his head (what it a he?), with two horns going sideways. Several gold half-rings were attached to his neck, and Cilan had the strongest feeling all of that was a part of this hybrid’s body, and not actually jewelry adornments.

That was nothing on the two ghostly black wings slightly extended from the hybrid’s back, with red tips that resembled claws.

Cilan gulped and stuttered out, “H-How may I help you?”

“I WANT SUKIYAKI!” the hybrid’s voice was growly, even as it was loud, when he demanded the food.

Cilan stared, frozen to his spot, his green tail hiding behind himself. Thankfully, Ash came to his rescue, gently patting his shoulder before she pulled him behind her and smiled widely at the customer. Cilan could swear that there were freaking sparkles surrounding her. A sparkling aura…

“Sukiyaki, sir?” she asked, unaffected by the hybrid’s huge size or intimidating presence.


Cilan whimpered, but Ash grinned even more widely and gave the hybrid a double v-sign.

“Alright, mister! One sukiyaki order coming right up! For her or to go, sir?” Ash asked, still unfazed.


Cilan flinched, but Ash was still having no problems. She turned to him, her grin softening to a fond smile at the green Pansage hybrid.

“I’ll take it from here, Cilan. Why don’t you cook the sukiyaki, and I’ll get this guy settled at my table, okay?”

He gave her a small smile and nodded, and turned to ironically hurry back to the kitchens. And he had just been desperate to get out of there earlier…

Looking back, he was just amazed to see Ash chattering as she led the huge hybrid to her section, still not bothered or even remotely scared by the other hybrid. And later, when she would tell him about it, he wouldn’t believe (at all) that she somehow managed to get the hybrid to speak at a lower volume, and they even managed to talk about as mundane topics as the weather to how one would either simmer or slowly cook the meat in one’s sukiyaki.

“Maybe he as just hungry?” Ash said.

Cilan gave her a blank look.
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